Fear That Peers Will Turn on You

An interesting scenario that makes teens susceptible to peer pressure can be the fear that his or her friends/peers will give them up or turn on them. This is a very unsettling feeling and it can lead to a teen being easily influenced by his or her fellow friends or peers. A teen who is uncertain of where they stand within their particular circle of friends or perhaps even with a single friend may find themselves as being the unwilling participant in certain activities just to hold onto friendships. If one is unsure of whether or not their friends accept them they will often try to appease their friends by giving in to their requests or in some cases demands. They will find themselves in the position of always being on the defensive but they will be unwilling to do anything about it. Very much like a person who gives in to his or her spouse to keep peace, a teen will often follow a friend or group of friends with little to no resistance for fear of losing them. The teen feels that keeping the friendship(s) intact takes precedent over many things when in actuality there isn’t a real friendship to begin with.

Sometimes the desire to please friends in a case like this is fear-driven. The teen may be somewhat intimidated by the prospect of going against his or her friends. They might even consider the possible ridicule or danger that may come with ending a friendship. This is when peer pressure can be at a very dangerous level and it can very well be considered a form of bullying. A teen who is being bullied by another teen who he or she associates with may feel that it is actually beneficial to them to keep this person around to feel safe from the bullying of others. The irony is that they fall victim to the bullying of the very person they have befriended for protection. In other cases, a teen may feel compelled to remain in an uncomfortable and pressure-driven friendship in order to avoid the wrath of that friend. The teen will constantly try to please the friend and secure their trust just to make sure that the friend won’t turn on them. For teens in particular, the fear of a former friend sharing your personal secrets with others out of retaliation is a scary thought. Knowing that someone who you have confided in will share your secrets with others will make a teen go to desperate measures to stay friends with that person despite obvious discomfort in the friendship.

Protecting one’s social identity seems to be at the forefront of the important teenage issues. Perhaps this is why teens will go so far to appease others. They don’t want to put themselves at risk for being ridiculed or made fun of. They will go so far as to remain allies with fellow peers who could do great damage to their reputation and in doing so, will compromise their own peace. The way to deal with this type of situation is to teach teenagers about what constitutes both good and bad friendships. It is important to point out to the teen that a friendship that faces the threat of dissolution is probably not a good friendship to have. Also, remaining friends with someone for supposed social benefits as opposed to actually liking and feeling comfortable around the person isn’t a good idea either. A friend who constantly puts you to the test and tries to impose their views on you is not a real friend at all and teens should be advised to steer clear of people like this. It is important that teens become familiar with the characteristics of a friendship that is driven by pressure and wanting to belong. Once they are familiar with this type of friendship the teen should be taught to use discretion in order to weigh the benefits of staying in such a relationship.

Furthermore, it is very important to point out to teens that real friends will be loyal to you regardless of differences. Those who make a friendship contingent on certain characteristics are not real friends at all. Constantly threatening to end a friendship is a type of manipulation, especially when the person making the threats is more popular. Teens should be aware that real friends don’t look to bail out of a friendship every time there is a problem. Instead, teens need to be taught that the pressure that comes with having to continuously prove him or herself to someone and give into peer pressure just isn’t worth the effort in the long run. There’s no point in trying to please someone who cannot be pleased and there’s absolutely no point in trying to please someone who doesn’t value your friendship.